Darz Story
Ok yall as you all know I’m pretty much an open book. Most of you I know
personally and most I don’t I feel as if I do. I’m going to take this
opportunity to tell the story of why I am where I am now. Ok I aint going back
to kindergarten, high School or PG&E. Ima pick up in mid to late 2007. Oh
and I have much life to live so I better not see a semblance of this show up on
Lifetime channel or some sh*t. Get a drink and some popcorn cuz this may take
awhile.
June of 2007. Darz (that’s me coons) is a semi happily married man with 4
younger beautiful kids with Ex Mrs. Darz, a 19 yr old living across the bay and
a 13 yr stepson who at this point was already a 5150 case. Oh yeah. Life is
good. 4 bedroom house in EPA. 4 cars. White picket fence. Above ground redneck
pool. Yeah I stay being a redneck. Anyway. Back up. I said semi happily. Ex is
showing signs of a midlife crisis since early 2006. Things said and done had me
scared but I dealt with it. Fast forward. Anyway I was working 12 hours shifts
part of the summer which means more days off then on. Ex's parents had business
out of the state and lived half a mile or so away so the Ex volunteers to house
sit. WTF? What you gotta do? Feed, bathe burp the house? I didn’t care cuz I
preferred to be alone with the kids. I come home. She leaves. It was perfect.
All the poker playing and bad movies I wanted. Well the Ex started acting stranger
and stranger in my presence. First leaving the room to answer the phone then
leaving the house. After awhile she got a second phone and then a third. WTF?
You aint paid a phone bill your whole life? Piggybacked off my ATT all this
time. The strangeness went on for a couple of months. I saw her my birthday
about 5 minutes then my daughter’s birthday about 10. Day after mine. She blew
up at my daughter because she wasn’t interested in some present or something.
We didn’t see her for 2 days. That brings us to football season. Darryl Jr.
Star. Stud. 2 time All Star and mind you he was only 10 at the time. Yeah daddy
has good genes. She never went to the practices let alone his games. I wondered
why. One of the coaches was damn near insisting I coach again and I already
knew I would but a little playing hard to get (not with a dude coons) was fun.
As soon as I started he quit. Coincidence? Fast Forward to the second game of
the season. Sept 15 or so. Mind you she is still house sitting. WTF? She calls
me at about 11:45 at night asking if I can put the lunchables in the refridge
cuz she left them in the van. Football teams snack after the game. I said sure
but something just didn’t seem right. I get the kids to bed and do my nightly
bike ride which consists of going around the block always passing in front of
my house. Well this one night I went a little further and passed in front of
her moms house. What I see? Come on people!! Guess!! Fine... I’ll tell you. The
football coach’s car parked on the side that had urged me to coach and then
quit. Pretty good 3 month soap so far? She never admitted to anything but she
did finally say whatever she did was her business. I stuck around for about a
month. You don’t tell your husband you are having more kids with or without
him, get busted and then say what you did is your business. I’m out. "Mom
is it still cool?"
Depression sets in
Two weeks later I’m good!!
Let the fun begin
Well a family friend observed that all I did was go to work, football
practice and lock myself in my room. "What’s he doing? Is he drinking?
Using drugs? He has to be depressed." Me... No coonberry biscuits! Where
in the hell you think you getting all those movies from? And do you know I
turned 1000 chips into 13 million on Pokerstars? Leave me alone. Slam."
Well this family friend made me ridiculous offer. He said "Tony (fam calls
me that... well some) I have my empty house in Sacramento you can use anytime.
Matter fact here's your own key. I was like WTF do I wanna go to Sac for? Hour
later I was on 80 racing a Ferrari. Old folks can’t drive. Anyway I get to Sac
breaking the land speed record. House was nice. 4bd 2 bath. Master bed
upstairs. Not the best area but come on. I grew up in the Mission, Hunters
Point and East Palo Alto. I wasn’t complaining. Meadowview and 24th or so. So I
planned on staying the weekend. Fam friend insisted I visit his daughter cuz
she just moved out and had no friends and 2 kids my kid’s age. I was reluctant
but felt it was the least I could do. I waited til the last minute. Called and
went by to say hi. Talked for awhile and exchanged numbers cuz that what folks
do when they become friends (hint female coons.) I leave and hit Vacaville
around 10:30pm or so. My phone rings and it’s her. I was like "I was going
to call when I got home." Her .. Ohh I believe you but I wanted to make
sure this was the right number or I was gonna tell my daddy!!" I
thought...."Ahhh.... wow..... this woman either has a good sense of humor
or she is a fatal attraction already!!!" I laughed it off. We talked alot
over the next few days and met again a couple of weeks later. Second meeting I
was like "I am feeling this mutual attraction." But I knew it would
never work. Well ummm it shouldn’t because ummmm she's my sister. No wait don’t
get me wrong!! Step sister!! Yeah. I never met her. Ok once. At the wedding but
she was only 8. Did I mention at the time I met her she was 27 and I was 41? So
there were a few bumps and hurdles, obstacles so to speak. Anyway we started
having fun. I found myself in Sac every weekend off. Kids loved it. New years,
Bdays, Picnics, Casinos (not with the kids) and she didn’t ask alot. Total
opposite of the ex who got a new car damn near every other year while I rolled
around in a 74 and 78 Bronco. Anyway summer of 08 was off the hook. We went
hotel hoppin. Well not cuz that’s the thing to do. Parents ya know. My mom find
out about us she whoopin her ass. Her dad find out... Let’s just say that’s an
ass whoopin he wouldn’t need nor deserve but still. Stop disrupting me. So I
look like this generous big spender. Let’s just say Hotwire is off the hook.
One of the last places we stayed was the Claremont. I knew she was a keeper
when we were making our way to the room and she was like "Baby....they got
a piano player!! And real table cloths!! Whoop Whoop!!!!" Yeah... Fun was
had by all. She wanted to eat at the "Fancy restaurant downstairs." I
was in the mood for BBQ. Everett and Jones baby!! I bet they still haven’t
gotten bbq sauce out that room That went on all Summer but I won’t say all good
things must come to an end but most do. Too much interference from the ex. Kept
me pissed. Kept her pissed to the point of murderous thoughts. Oh yeah. I
walked in the room and there she was looking at a satellite view of my old
house. I could see my van and Bronco clearly. Needless to say we frienderly
broke it off.
The Facebook Days
Now keep in mind I’ve been on the internet since its inception. WTF? Al
gore didn’t invent the interwebs I did! Anyway I was Classmates.com when an old
dear friend school sent me an email. We talked and she urged me to socialize
and start a MySpace page. Yeah I went to an all guy’s high school Grade school
coon biscuits. I only swing from one side of the plate. Anyway so I did and it
started flying. It was fun for awhile but really seemed phony. Folks that
requested you would never email or leave comments and so on. BTW that friend is
on my Facebook friends list. Relatively new and refers to me as old friend/new
friend. Anyway another friend from reuinion.com (now mylife.com) urged me to
start a tagged page so I did. That really started flying also. Mind you this is
back in Oct of 07. I was still gun-shy and Knew I was rebounding like a young
Shaq, Barkley and Dwight Howard rolled into one. I thought I’d try Facebook.
Boring. WTF? You can’t see anyone's page. Profile pic is tiny. Then I found out
it was because the pages were private. I was like "All of Facebook is
private!!" Then an old girlfriend (yeah she's like 60 something... I don’t
mean that kind of old) got in touch with me. Then some of her friends. Then it
was like that old Clairol commercial. And they'll tell two friends. and so on
and so on and so on. So here I am. Hate like it or love it. That my story and
I’m sticking to it. BTW this story is based on real life events. Some
embellishment may have taken place for entertainment purposes only. Don’t ask
cuz I aint tellin. No animals were harmed in the writing of this story and
please remember to tip your waitress.
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