Saturday, July 31, 2010
Today was a good day!!
What up folks. I gotta say today was pretty good. Got a nice good early start and drove out to North Highlands. Nothing really out there but its nice and quiet. Welcome change from lliving on, not by but on Meadowview in Sac. I skipped the maul cuz lets face it. Why depress myself looking at stuff I want and cant have? Came home. Rested. Changed and went out to Freeport and the river. Talked to a couple of guys fishing and I swear I was in Mississippi talking to Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. The only thing that said 21st century were there fishing poles. I mean they had straw in their moufs, talked with a twang and had suspenders and ragged cutoff jeans. No Im not kidding. So I ask "Where you guyus from? Missouri? Mississippi?" I swear for God one said.. "Naaaaw cuzn.. Born and raised right her (not a typo..her..) in Sacratamata!!!" I was like "Awww... Cool." Twilight Zone theme playing in my head. Anyway came home. Got some rest. Just got done washing LiSa (my Lincoln LS) and now looking for action. Whats up??
Question for the weekend.....
Would you be for or against reparations for our african ancestors being enslaved? Why or why not?
Another Darz original. Mirro mirror dedicated to my tribe.
Mirror Mirror. A Darz original....
...Mirror mirror on the wall
I have some wishes and ill try to keep them small
I wont be disappointed if you cant fill them all
Let's get started.. I need a new baby momma. Not too short and not too tall.
Lets make it easy. Just have Janet Jackson to give me a call.
Oh and I need some money. About the amount her brother Michael made off his album Off the Wall.
Im mopping my floors with dirty water you know. I cant afford Pinesol.
Id like to be able to disinfect with lysol or even rubbing alcohol.
And and and my son is on the field in sneakers. Not a good look for football.
And Id like to buy Noah a GI Joe. Tired of him playing with a hand me down Barbie Doll.
And and I shouldnt have to keep robbing Peter to pay Paul.
And Id like to send my kids to private school. Im tired if them saying things like aint and yall.
And and and Im forced to take generic aspirin cuz I cant afford Midol.
And and my Lincoln is tripping. Apply the brakes and it tends to stall.
And it would be nice to not have to shop at the flea market cuz I cant afford the mall.
And please more video vixens and black tail type models. Tired of these plastic women with fake boobage and suffering from Noassatall. ( no offense)
You know Im a good guy and deserving and shouldnt have to scrape and crawl.
Am I asking for to much? Oh one more thing. A Navigator for all that new money Im getting. Makes it easy to haul.
Thanks in advance.
...Mirror mirror on the wall
I have some wishes and ill try to keep them small
I wont be disappointed if you cant fill them all
Let's get started.. I need a new baby momma. Not too short and not too tall.
Lets make it easy. Just have Janet Jackson to give me a call.
Oh and I need some money. About the amount her brother Michael made off his album Off the Wall.
Im mopping my floors with dirty water you know. I cant afford Pinesol.
Id like to be able to disinfect with lysol or even rubbing alcohol.
And and and my son is on the field in sneakers. Not a good look for football.
And Id like to buy Noah a GI Joe. Tired of him playing with a hand me down Barbie Doll.
And and I shouldnt have to keep robbing Peter to pay Paul.
And Id like to send my kids to private school. Im tired if them saying things like aint and yall.
And and and Im forced to take generic aspirin cuz I cant afford Midol.
And and my Lincoln is tripping. Apply the brakes and it tends to stall.
And it would be nice to not have to shop at the flea market cuz I cant afford the mall.
And please more video vixens and black tail type models. Tired of these plastic women with fake boobage and suffering from Noassatall. ( no offense)
You know Im a good guy and deserving and shouldnt have to scrape and crawl.
Am I asking for to much? Oh one more thing. A Navigator for all that new money Im getting. Makes it easy to haul.
Thanks in advance.
Fact better then fiction...My Stockton BLVD vacation...
Ok In was going to turn this into the usual joke mixing fact and fictionn but this one goes down verbatim. I had a mini vacation of all places on Stockton Blvd and Fowler in Sacramento. A Friday night about 9 to 10 pm I go to the corner store for a sandwhich. When I come out a lady of the night (putting it nicely) is standing outside. I swear for God she was fine!! Good lord Im thinking what is she doing on the street?? Anyway She says "Daddy you have a dollar cuz I aint made no money yet. I smile and give her a dollar and she starts spittin game!! "So you out here with your family?" I guess its obvious Im not from the area. I said "Naaw just chilling across the street for awhile." She said "Oh so you with yo girlfriend??" I sad "Naaw just me." She "Oooooh dadddy can I come watch TV with you? Im tired and need a real shower!!!" I smile at her and say Naaaw Im cool. She says "You sure daddy? Im not trying to make you pay for anything! Shower and TV." Im like "Naaaw Im tired. Just want to sleep." She says "Ok well maybe tomorrow night. " I smile and say "Yeah Ill look for you tomorrow." Why was I at least 50% serious?? Anyway I was there another week and hadnt seen her again. I swear 100%
true story.
true story.
Darz first date pt III
Ok this wasnt supposed to be posted til next week but I couldnt wait. Too many ideas. My mind runneth over... here goes...
Darz first date Pt III
Now the rest of the way home (no I didnt turn around) Ace's words are ringing more and more true. I mean here I am celibate for damn near 3 years and the first date I go on Im taking somebody home. Someone I might be physically attracted to but not mentally. I keep thinking what am I doing? But just like any good ol alkie or addict I find justification for that drink or hit. "Ahhh we'll just watch some TV or play some pool or somthing." Deep down Im thinking "Yeah right." Anyway so we get to the house and its like she has radar or GPS in her sleep cuz just as Im pulling up she's waking up. "Hey!! We her already??" Thinking there she goes sounding like Nelly again. And the "Hey's" Like Jaime Foxx playing Wanda on In living Color. I ignore it. "Yeah we're here." So I pull up on the side of the house next to my Bronco. First thing she sees. "Damn you live with a Cowboy or something?" Who's Jeep?" she says kind of in a disgusted way. I say "ohh no cowboys. Thats my Bronco." She's like "damn" turning her lip up the way you ladies do. No offense but you do. It look like a Barney Rubble Mobile. Im not offended cuz I thought it looked like a blue and white brick with wheels. I laugh it off. Anyway like I said said Im house manager at this place and one rule is no female company after a certain time so we dont use the front door. Go in the side of the house to get into the garage which where I spend most of my time anyway. Open the gate and she sees the van. "Damn yall drive old folks around or something?" IM like "No thats my 15 seater. "Hey!!! (again) Road trip!!! Cache Creek thats what Im talkin about!!" Im thinking "Good lord it would take a year to get the smell of cheap perfume and Boones out the van. "Sure. one day" I say. Im weak. Now keep in mind the garage is my little getaway from my 5150's. I dont wanna be bothered then to the garage it is. Off limits to everyone. Im hooked up with my computer, couple of TV's, competition pool table and video equipment. Dont ask about the video equipment. For another story. We walk in and the first thing she sees is the pool table (its big. cant miss it) and a digital camera on a tripod. Wait let me splain. While at times Im pretty self conscious other times Im the cats meow. Head honcho. The Big cheese. The past, present and future big thing. So at my vain times who is gonna take a better picture of me then me? So back to Cacha. Yeah everyone gets a nickname. She says "Oooh you have a pool table (no she didnt say Hey this time) and yo camera already setup. I wanna take some pictures." Before I could say anything she hops her (you know I wanna say it but Im keeping it clean) up on the pool table boones in hand and disco boots all over the felt and starts posing. Now keep in mind this is a competition pool table worth a few thousand..... AND ITS NOT MINE!!! WTF??? Im like "Ohhh damn!!" But she looked so damn good on that table. Mahogany on mahogany. Weave justa flowin. What can I say I havent said. Im weak.. I turn to head to the camera and who is standing right there lookin pissed. Ace. he doesnt say a word and I go into jeopardy mode. "What is the quadratic equation. What is 3.14. What is the pythagoras theorum." I know it aint working. I start snapping pictures and not more than two minutes into it she says "Set the timer and come take some with me"as she slips off the disco boots. All I could say was "Ummmm Ill be right back." I could feel Ace staring at me as I walk to the kitchen trying to clear my mind "what is 1789. Who is George Lucas. What is Schindlers List." Not working. I I know I shouldnt but I took a big swig of some Bombay Sapphire. Then another. Back to the garage. I walk over to the camera and as I approach Ace turns his back to me. Im thinking "Im gonna keep it innocent!!" What is Des Moines. What is Montpelier. What is Carson City. Back to the kitchen. Another swig. Back to the garage. Set timer and over to the pool table.....
to be continued....
Darz first date Pt III
Now the rest of the way home (no I didnt turn around) Ace's words are ringing more and more true. I mean here I am celibate for damn near 3 years and the first date I go on Im taking somebody home. Someone I might be physically attracted to but not mentally. I keep thinking what am I doing? But just like any good ol alkie or addict I find justification for that drink or hit. "Ahhh we'll just watch some TV or play some pool or somthing." Deep down Im thinking "Yeah right." Anyway so we get to the house and its like she has radar or GPS in her sleep cuz just as Im pulling up she's waking up. "Hey!! We her already??" Thinking there she goes sounding like Nelly again. And the "Hey's" Like Jaime Foxx playing Wanda on In living Color. I ignore it. "Yeah we're here." So I pull up on the side of the house next to my Bronco. First thing she sees. "Damn you live with a Cowboy or something?" Who's Jeep?" she says kind of in a disgusted way. I say "ohh no cowboys. Thats my Bronco." She's like "damn" turning her lip up the way you ladies do. No offense but you do. It look like a Barney Rubble Mobile. Im not offended cuz I thought it looked like a blue and white brick with wheels. I laugh it off. Anyway like I said said Im house manager at this place and one rule is no female company after a certain time so we dont use the front door. Go in the side of the house to get into the garage which where I spend most of my time anyway. Open the gate and she sees the van. "Damn yall drive old folks around or something?" IM like "No thats my 15 seater. "Hey!!! (again) Road trip!!! Cache Creek thats what Im talkin about!!" Im thinking "Good lord it would take a year to get the smell of cheap perfume and Boones out the van. "Sure. one day" I say. Im weak. Now keep in mind the garage is my little getaway from my 5150's. I dont wanna be bothered then to the garage it is. Off limits to everyone. Im hooked up with my computer, couple of TV's, competition pool table and video equipment. Dont ask about the video equipment. For another story. We walk in and the first thing she sees is the pool table (its big. cant miss it) and a digital camera on a tripod. Wait let me splain. While at times Im pretty self conscious other times Im the cats meow. Head honcho. The Big cheese. The past, present and future big thing. So at my vain times who is gonna take a better picture of me then me? So back to Cacha. Yeah everyone gets a nickname. She says "Oooh you have a pool table (no she didnt say Hey this time) and yo camera already setup. I wanna take some pictures." Before I could say anything she hops her (you know I wanna say it but Im keeping it clean) up on the pool table boones in hand and disco boots all over the felt and starts posing. Now keep in mind this is a competition pool table worth a few thousand..... AND ITS NOT MINE!!! WTF??? Im like "Ohhh damn!!" But she looked so damn good on that table. Mahogany on mahogany. Weave justa flowin. What can I say I havent said. Im weak.. I turn to head to the camera and who is standing right there lookin pissed. Ace. he doesnt say a word and I go into jeopardy mode. "What is the quadratic equation. What is 3.14. What is the pythagoras theorum." I know it aint working. I start snapping pictures and not more than two minutes into it she says "Set the timer and come take some with me"as she slips off the disco boots. All I could say was "Ummmm Ill be right back." I could feel Ace staring at me as I walk to the kitchen trying to clear my mind "what is 1789. Who is George Lucas. What is Schindlers List." Not working. I I know I shouldnt but I took a big swig of some Bombay Sapphire. Then another. Back to the garage. I walk over to the camera and as I approach Ace turns his back to me. Im thinking "Im gonna keep it innocent!!" What is Des Moines. What is Montpelier. What is Carson City. Back to the kitchen. Another swig. Back to the garage. Set timer and over to the pool table.....
to be continued....
Quickie... they are a necesseary evil...
I mean my writeup. This is going to be quick cuz Im anxious to get the day started. So mom is out here in Sac with me, Stepdad Lamar and the crazies. As usual she is overemphasizing her opinion and trying to impose her will and.... wait... back up. First of all I love mom to death. Perfect in so many many many ways... Ill be her friend, forever more!! Now that song is stuck in my head. My major problem with her is she is very opinionated (Ill never have to worry where I got that from) and also very (well tries to be... cant control the Beast in Darz:)) controlling. Back to the story. So she is trying to talk me out of moving to North Highlands. Wants me to stay in Sac and work with Stepdad. He just picked up another house and plans on filling it with more schizo loonie 5150's. Yes he needs my help bad.3 homes. One house manager. At first things were great. But before I knew it I was splitting time between sleeping on the couch and an air mattress in the garage. Not bad but I dont like bugs. Did I mention I dont like bugs? Im laying chillin watching a good bad movie and along comes a spider. Then a pincher bug and so on. I wonder how many I swallowed in my sleep. Anyway I like change. Change is actually a stress reliever for me. So Im off to go visit my new surroundings. Wait... Im so anxious I forgot I still have the spare tire on the car. Sorry for the rambling and jumping all over the place. Thats me at times. Gotta change the tire then off. Have a good one friends.
Darz babe pic of the week!!!
NO ladies Im not a chauvinisit. I just know what I like. Feel free to post your fave pics but here goes.
The E true Hollywood story of Darz... Me coons!!
Darz Story
Ok yall as you all know I’m pretty much an open book. Most of you I know personally and most I don’t I feel as if I do. I’m going to take this opportunity to tell the story of why I am where I am now. Ok I aint going back to kindergarten, high School or PG&E. Ima pick up in mid to late 2007. Oh and I have much life to live so I better not see a semblance of this show up on Lifetime channel or some sh*t. Get a drink and some popcorn cuz this may take awhile.
June of 2007. Darz (that’s me coons) is a semi happily married man with 4 younger beautiful kids with Ex Mrs. Darz, a 19 yr old living across the bay and a 13 yr stepson who at this point was already a 5150 case. Oh yeah. Life is good. 4 bedroom house in EPA. 4 cars. White picket fence. Above ground redneck pool. Yeah I stay being a redneck. Anyway. Back up. I said semi happily. Ex is showing signs of a midlife crisis since early 2006. Things said and done had me scared but I dealt with it. Fast forward. Anyway I was working 12 hours shifts part of the summer which means more days off then on. Ex's parents had business out of the state and lived half a mile or so away so the Ex volunteers to house sit. WTF? What you gotta do? Feed, bathe burp the house? I didn’t care cuz I preferred to be alone with the kids. I come home. She leaves. It was perfect. All the poker playing and bad movies I wanted. Well the Ex started acting stranger and stranger in my presence. First leaving the room to answer the phone then leaving the house. After awhile she got a second phone and then a third. WTF? You aint paid a phone bill your whole life? Piggybacked off my ATT all this time. The strangeness went on for a couple of months. I saw her my birthday about 5 minutes then my daughter’s birthday about 10. Day after mine. She blew up at my daughter because she wasn’t interested in some present or something. We didn’t see her for 2 days. That brings us to football season. Darryl Jr. Star. Stud. 2 time All Star and mind you he was only 10 at the time. Yeah daddy has good genes. She never went to the practices let alone his games. I wondered why. One of the coaches was damn near insisting I coach again and I already knew I would but a little playing hard to get (not with a dude coons) was fun. As soon as I started he quit. Coincidence? Fast Forward to the second game of the season. Sept 15 or so. Mind you she is still house sitting. WTF? She calls me at about 11:45 at night asking if I can put the lunchables in the refridge cuz she left them in the van. Football teams snack after the game. I said sure but something just didn’t seem right. I get the kids to bed and do my nightly bike ride which consists of going around the block always passing in front of my house. Well this one night I went a little further and passed in front of her moms house. What I see? Come on people!! Guess!! Fine... I’ll tell you. The football coach’s car parked on the side that had urged me to coach and then quit. Pretty good 3 month soap so far? She never admitted to anything but she did finally say whatever she did was her business. I stuck around for about a month. You don’t tell your husband you are having more kids with or without him, get busted and then say what you did is your business. I’m out. "Mom is it still cool?"
Depression sets in
Two weeks later I’m good!!
Let the fun begin
Well a family friend observed that all I did was go to work, football practice and lock myself in my room. "What’s he doing? Is he drinking? Using drugs? He has to be depressed." Me... No coonberry biscuits! Where in the hell you think you getting all those movies from? And do you know I turned 1000 chips into 13 million on Pokerstars? Leave me alone. Slam." Well this family friend made me ridiculous offer. He said "Tony (fam calls me that... well some) I have my empty house in Sacramento you can use anytime. Matter fact here's your own key. I was like WTF do I wanna go to Sac for? Hour later I was on 80 racing a Ferrari. Old folks can’t drive. Anyway I get to Sac breaking the land speed record. House was nice. 4bd 2 bath. Master bed upstairs. Not the best area but come on. I grew up in the Mission, Hunters Point and East Palo Alto. I wasn’t complaining. Meadowview and 24th or so. So I planned on staying the weekend. Fam friend insisted I visit his daughter cuz she just moved out and had no friends and 2 kids my kid’s age. I was reluctant but felt it was the least I could do. I waited til the last minute. Called and went by to say hi. Talked for awhile and exchanged numbers cuz that what folks do when they become friends (hint female coons.) I leave and hit Vacaville around 10:30pm or so. My phone rings and it’s her. I was like "I was going to call when I got home." Her .. Ohh I believe you but I wanted to make sure this was the right number or I was gonna tell my daddy!!" I thought...."Ahhh.... wow..... this woman either has a good sense of humor or she is a fatal attraction already!!!" I laughed it off. We talked alot over the next few days and met again a couple of weeks later. Second meeting I was like "I am feeling this mutual attraction." But I knew it would never work. Well ummm it shouldn’t because ummmm she's my sister. No wait don’t get me wrong!! Step sister!! Yeah. I never met her. Ok once. At the wedding but she was only 8. Did I mention at the time I met her she was 27 and I was 41? So there were a few bumps and hurdles, obstacles so to speak. Anyway we started having fun. I found myself in Sac every weekend off. Kids loved it. New years, Bdays, Picnics, Casinos (not with the kids) and she didn’t ask alot. Total opposite of the ex who got a new car damn near every other year while I rolled around in a 74 and 78 Bronco. Anyway summer of 08 was off the hook. We went hotel hoppin. Well not cuz that’s the thing to do. Parents ya know. My mom find out about us she whoopin her ass. Her dad find out... Let’s just say that’s an ass whoopin he wouldn’t need nor deserve but still. Stop disrupting me. So I look like this generous big spender. Let’s just say Hotwire is off the hook. One of the last places we stayed was the Claremont. I knew she was a keeper when we were making our way to the room and she was like "Baby....they got a piano player!! And real table cloths!! Whoop Whoop!!!!" Yeah... Fun was had by all. She wanted to eat at the "Fancy restaurant downstairs." I was in the mood for BBQ. Everett and Jones baby!! I bet they still haven’t gotten bbq sauce out that room That went on all Summer but I won’t say all good things must come to an end but most do. Too much interference from the ex. Kept me pissed. Kept her pissed to the point of murderous thoughts. Oh yeah. I walked in the room and there she was looking at a satellite view of my old house. I could see my van and Bronco clearly. Needless to say we frienderly broke it off.
The Facebook Days
Now keep in mind I’ve been on the internet since its inception. WTF? Al gore didn’t invent the interwebs I did! Anyway I was Classmates.com when an old dear friend school sent me an email. We talked and she urged me to socialize and start a MySpace page. Yeah I went to an all guy’s high school Grade school coon biscuits. I only swing from one side of the plate. Anyway so I did and it started flying. It was fun for awhile but really seemed phony. Folks that requested you would never email or leave comments and so on. BTW that friend is on my Facebook friends list. Relatively new and refers to me as old friend/new friend. Anyway another friend from reuinion.com (now mylife.com) urged me to start a tagged page so I did. That really started flying also. Mind you this is back in Oct of 07. I was still gun-shy and Knew I was rebounding like a young Shaq, Barkley and Dwight Howard rolled into one. I thought I’d try Facebook. Boring. WTF? You can’t see anyone's page. Profile pic is tiny. Then I found out it was because the pages were private. I was like "All of Facebook is private!!" Then an old girlfriend (yeah she's like 60 something... I don’t mean that kind of old) got in touch with me. Then some of her friends. Then it was like that old Clairol commercial. And they'll tell two friends. and so on and so on and so on. So here I am. Hate like it or love it. That my story and I’m sticking to it. BTW this story is based on real life events. Some embellishment may have taken place for entertainment purposes only. Don’t ask cuz I aint tellin. No animals were harmed in the writing of this story and please remember to tip your waitress.
Ok yall as you all know I’m pretty much an open book. Most of you I know personally and most I don’t I feel as if I do. I’m going to take this opportunity to tell the story of why I am where I am now. Ok I aint going back to kindergarten, high School or PG&E. Ima pick up in mid to late 2007. Oh and I have much life to live so I better not see a semblance of this show up on Lifetime channel or some sh*t. Get a drink and some popcorn cuz this may take awhile.
June of 2007. Darz (that’s me coons) is a semi happily married man with 4 younger beautiful kids with Ex Mrs. Darz, a 19 yr old living across the bay and a 13 yr stepson who at this point was already a 5150 case. Oh yeah. Life is good. 4 bedroom house in EPA. 4 cars. White picket fence. Above ground redneck pool. Yeah I stay being a redneck. Anyway. Back up. I said semi happily. Ex is showing signs of a midlife crisis since early 2006. Things said and done had me scared but I dealt with it. Fast forward. Anyway I was working 12 hours shifts part of the summer which means more days off then on. Ex's parents had business out of the state and lived half a mile or so away so the Ex volunteers to house sit. WTF? What you gotta do? Feed, bathe burp the house? I didn’t care cuz I preferred to be alone with the kids. I come home. She leaves. It was perfect. All the poker playing and bad movies I wanted. Well the Ex started acting stranger and stranger in my presence. First leaving the room to answer the phone then leaving the house. After awhile she got a second phone and then a third. WTF? You aint paid a phone bill your whole life? Piggybacked off my ATT all this time. The strangeness went on for a couple of months. I saw her my birthday about 5 minutes then my daughter’s birthday about 10. Day after mine. She blew up at my daughter because she wasn’t interested in some present or something. We didn’t see her for 2 days. That brings us to football season. Darryl Jr. Star. Stud. 2 time All Star and mind you he was only 10 at the time. Yeah daddy has good genes. She never went to the practices let alone his games. I wondered why. One of the coaches was damn near insisting I coach again and I already knew I would but a little playing hard to get (not with a dude coons) was fun. As soon as I started he quit. Coincidence? Fast Forward to the second game of the season. Sept 15 or so. Mind you she is still house sitting. WTF? She calls me at about 11:45 at night asking if I can put the lunchables in the refridge cuz she left them in the van. Football teams snack after the game. I said sure but something just didn’t seem right. I get the kids to bed and do my nightly bike ride which consists of going around the block always passing in front of my house. Well this one night I went a little further and passed in front of her moms house. What I see? Come on people!! Guess!! Fine... I’ll tell you. The football coach’s car parked on the side that had urged me to coach and then quit. Pretty good 3 month soap so far? She never admitted to anything but she did finally say whatever she did was her business. I stuck around for about a month. You don’t tell your husband you are having more kids with or without him, get busted and then say what you did is your business. I’m out. "Mom is it still cool?"
Depression sets in
Two weeks later I’m good!!
Let the fun begin
Well a family friend observed that all I did was go to work, football practice and lock myself in my room. "What’s he doing? Is he drinking? Using drugs? He has to be depressed." Me... No coonberry biscuits! Where in the hell you think you getting all those movies from? And do you know I turned 1000 chips into 13 million on Pokerstars? Leave me alone. Slam." Well this family friend made me ridiculous offer. He said "Tony (fam calls me that... well some) I have my empty house in Sacramento you can use anytime. Matter fact here's your own key. I was like WTF do I wanna go to Sac for? Hour later I was on 80 racing a Ferrari. Old folks can’t drive. Anyway I get to Sac breaking the land speed record. House was nice. 4bd 2 bath. Master bed upstairs. Not the best area but come on. I grew up in the Mission, Hunters Point and East Palo Alto. I wasn’t complaining. Meadowview and 24th or so. So I planned on staying the weekend. Fam friend insisted I visit his daughter cuz she just moved out and had no friends and 2 kids my kid’s age. I was reluctant but felt it was the least I could do. I waited til the last minute. Called and went by to say hi. Talked for awhile and exchanged numbers cuz that what folks do when they become friends (hint female coons.) I leave and hit Vacaville around 10:30pm or so. My phone rings and it’s her. I was like "I was going to call when I got home." Her .. Ohh I believe you but I wanted to make sure this was the right number or I was gonna tell my daddy!!" I thought...."Ahhh.... wow..... this woman either has a good sense of humor or she is a fatal attraction already!!!" I laughed it off. We talked alot over the next few days and met again a couple of weeks later. Second meeting I was like "I am feeling this mutual attraction." But I knew it would never work. Well ummm it shouldn’t because ummmm she's my sister. No wait don’t get me wrong!! Step sister!! Yeah. I never met her. Ok once. At the wedding but she was only 8. Did I mention at the time I met her she was 27 and I was 41? So there were a few bumps and hurdles, obstacles so to speak. Anyway we started having fun. I found myself in Sac every weekend off. Kids loved it. New years, Bdays, Picnics, Casinos (not with the kids) and she didn’t ask alot. Total opposite of the ex who got a new car damn near every other year while I rolled around in a 74 and 78 Bronco. Anyway summer of 08 was off the hook. We went hotel hoppin. Well not cuz that’s the thing to do. Parents ya know. My mom find out about us she whoopin her ass. Her dad find out... Let’s just say that’s an ass whoopin he wouldn’t need nor deserve but still. Stop disrupting me. So I look like this generous big spender. Let’s just say Hotwire is off the hook. One of the last places we stayed was the Claremont. I knew she was a keeper when we were making our way to the room and she was like "Baby....they got a piano player!! And real table cloths!! Whoop Whoop!!!!" Yeah... Fun was had by all. She wanted to eat at the "Fancy restaurant downstairs." I was in the mood for BBQ. Everett and Jones baby!! I bet they still haven’t gotten bbq sauce out that room That went on all Summer but I won’t say all good things must come to an end but most do. Too much interference from the ex. Kept me pissed. Kept her pissed to the point of murderous thoughts. Oh yeah. I walked in the room and there she was looking at a satellite view of my old house. I could see my van and Bronco clearly. Needless to say we frienderly broke it off.
The Facebook Days
Now keep in mind I’ve been on the internet since its inception. WTF? Al gore didn’t invent the interwebs I did! Anyway I was Classmates.com when an old dear friend school sent me an email. We talked and she urged me to socialize and start a MySpace page. Yeah I went to an all guy’s high school Grade school coon biscuits. I only swing from one side of the plate. Anyway so I did and it started flying. It was fun for awhile but really seemed phony. Folks that requested you would never email or leave comments and so on. BTW that friend is on my Facebook friends list. Relatively new and refers to me as old friend/new friend. Anyway another friend from reuinion.com (now mylife.com) urged me to start a tagged page so I did. That really started flying also. Mind you this is back in Oct of 07. I was still gun-shy and Knew I was rebounding like a young Shaq, Barkley and Dwight Howard rolled into one. I thought I’d try Facebook. Boring. WTF? You can’t see anyone's page. Profile pic is tiny. Then I found out it was because the pages were private. I was like "All of Facebook is private!!" Then an old girlfriend (yeah she's like 60 something... I don’t mean that kind of old) got in touch with me. Then some of her friends. Then it was like that old Clairol commercial. And they'll tell two friends. and so on and so on and so on. So here I am. Hate like it or love it. That my story and I’m sticking to it. BTW this story is based on real life events. Some embellishment may have taken place for entertainment purposes only. Don’t ask cuz I aint tellin. No animals were harmed in the writing of this story and please remember to tip your waitress.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Darz first date Pt II
Ok so I have Cacharelle all night. I only made some semi plans up to about 11:00pm and Im stickin to em.. We drive off and immediately she likes the Lincoln. "Ooooh is that a TV in the dash?" she says... Im like "No its my Nav and DVD player." She gets all excited "Ohhh snap my manager just gave me my DVD from my last show!! I got right her Hol up!!" Im thinking right her? Why does she sound like Nelly and shes from East Oakland born and raised? Whatever. So she gives me the DVD. All I can say is "Ohhh Damn!!" I dont play DVD's while driving but I swear I almost had 3 accidents on the bridge. Not gonna say what it was cuz yall are grown. Imaginations. Use them. Anyway so we cross the bridge and pull up on the Embarcadero. First stop Sinbad's. I make sure we have a bomb table overlooking the water and Alcatraz and so on. She's impressed except she was like "Aint that Alcatraz? If they was still open my cuzn Boosie would prolly be there instead of Pelican Bay." Keep in mind Im keepin my best poker face at everything she says but making mental notes. Waiter comes up...."Can I get you anything to drink?" Now Im driving so Im taking it easy "Ill take a mudslide and she'll have..." "Yall got any Boones??" she said with excitement.. I was like "WTF??" Waiter says "Let me check." While he's gone I say "Honey dont be surprised if they dont have Boones but you might like a nice wine to go with dinner.." Just then the waiter shows up with a bottle of strawberry boones!!!! I was like double WTF??? What happened to Sinbads?? She was like "Heeeeeeyyyy!!! Thats what Im talkin bout!!" Waiter starts to pour her a glass and she says "Im cool. Just leave the bottle." Im thinking "Oh damn what a night this is going to be." Anyway dinner went smooth. We leave and drive up the Embarcadero and onto Bay St where there is a PG&E substation. I make a call to let the job know Ill be parked inside (right across the street from Pier 39) and will let them know when I leave. I pull in and she says "Oh you make a call and you got it like that? This aint no lot or garage. Whats this?" Im like "This is one of the substations Im in charge of." She says "So you can park for free? Damn!!! Yall got any of these around 850 Bryant cuz I can neva find parkin." Once again Im thinking "Good Lord" but only say "We have parking at the Moscone Center." She was like "Sheeeittt 5 blocks down and 3 blocks over!! You comin with me next time I have to appear." Why I havent acted like I was sick or something by now and had to take her home I dont know. I just said "Ok." So anyway we do the tourist thing... walk the wharf.. throw pennies at the Sea Lions (She liked that a little too much) did the Peir 39 thing... ok wait... why did she kick my arse at Ms Pacman and I have high scores at a bunch of arcades? Anyway again, Im tired, had a decent night and turn to her and say "Its getting late and I have to work in the morning. Hope you had a good time." She says "Late? Good time? Ohh this night aint ova!! Remember we going back to yo spot!!" Just then she pulls out the bottle of Boones and takes a big swig. Im thinking to myself "Whateva!! (yeah I said it like that in my mind) There aint no way shes coming back to Sac with me!! She'll be passed out halfway across the bridge!! Ill wake her up in Oakland!!" So anyway I was wrong... she passes out somewhere around Vacaville.... Yeah Im weak... Just then Ace appears. "Darryl (he never calls me Darryl unless he's bothered by something) when I told you to get out, meet people and reacclimate yourself to society (Ace tries to use big words on me) it wasnt about lust." Im telling you as soon as he appeared I tried to fill my mind with Jeapordy questions... "What is Mt Kilimanjaro. What is the Marrienes Trench. What is the Sea of Tranquility. Who's buried in Grant's tomb?" Ace said "You can try to play Alex Trebek of you want to but Im saying no more. And if you werent driving I would have tazed you back in Fairfield. Remember what I said and I will see you soon."
To be continued.....
To be continued.....
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Darz First Date Pt I
Ok so you all know Ace has been pushing me to get out of the single life funk Ive been in and who am I to tell Ace no. So I came up with a plan. E-Darmony.com Yeah kinda like E-Harmony.com cept Im the only male member. Lets face it I have enough alter egos to occupy the site. Anyway met someone from Coonland. Name Cacharelle. We talk a little and decide to go out Sunday night. She gives me her address and says "hows 5?" Im like "Im never late.. see you then." Sos I get there at 5 cuz Im never late and there are a group of ladies sitting on the porch drinking boones and smokin whatever dressed like they just got off of soul train. I mean skin tight short short dresses and thigh high disco boots. Sos I gets out the car and introduce myself. They give me the "Heeeeeyyyy!!! You got any cute friends?" I was like "I have some nice friends but they are all mud ducks." The leader of the pack (I guess she was the leader cuz she had the biggest boots) says "Ill take a mud duck as long as he aint got mud duckets!!" I laughed and said "where's the party at tonight? Yall are dressed for some serious fun." The leader was like.... "No party. We are just coming from church." Im thinking Ace has been holding out on me. Finally Cacharelle comes out and says "Heeeeeyyy baby!! You look just like you did on your webcam!! now I get the show in person!!" Now Cacharelle is built like a Russian Race horse. I mean Esther Baxter with a Buffie the Body ummm.... google friends. We say nighty to her Boones drinkin friends. Me being the gentleman I open her door and she says "Oh you want me to drive? Im like "No just opening your door." She was like "Ohh cool cuz I did just get my nails did." Im thinking oooooookkkk!! So I get in and say "Buckle up babe." She was like "I dont want to wrinkle my dress." Im thinking that dress is so tight its like she bought it when she was 16 and just grew into it. Might as well been wearing body paint. So anyway she says "I gotta let you know I have to be back home by 6." Im pissed thinking I drove all the way from Sac for an hour date?? I play it off and say "Ok what do you want to do for an hour??" She was like "No not 6 tonight. 6 in the mooooooorrrrniiinnn!! You got me all night baby!!" At that moment I didnt know if I should be happy or scared. So we make small talk. She asks why I live in Sac and work in Oakland. I explain "Well Im a house manager for a bunch of bipolar medded up 5150's." She was like "Heeeeeeyyy!!! Sounds like Oakland!!!! We goin back to yo spot!!" Ok its official. Im scared.... To be continued.....
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
My great 4rh of July!!!
Alright friends. While y'all were yucking it up on the 4th eatin BBQ and skrimps and drinking cheap liquor your Darz was laid out on his garage floor in some serious pain. Bad slip and fall. I decline to comment on how it happened. I'll tell u I have a busted lip and what looks like rugburn on the left side of my face. Last time I got rugburn I was having a good time. This was not a good time. I'll be in hiding tul I no longer look like u just got my ass whooped.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Fun at the County Fair!!!
100 people suffer bee stings at Alameda County Fair
Saturday, July 03, 2010
PLEASANTON, CA (KGO) -- A swarm of bees were disturbed during the fireworks show at the Alameda County Fair and 100 people had to be treated for bee stings.
Around 9:40 p.m. a swarm of bees were disturbed during the fireworks show at the Alameda County Fair. The bees stung 100 people in the grand stand area. Some of the guests were stung one time and others were suffered multiple bee stings.
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