Darz First Date Pt I

Ok so you all know Ace has been pushing me to get out of the single life funk Ive been in and who am I to tell Ace no. So I came up with a plan. E-Darmony.com Yeah kinda like E-Harmony.com cept Im the only male member. Lets face it I have enough alter egos to occupy the site. Anyway met someone from Coonland. Name Cacharelle. We talk a little and decide to go out Sunday night. She gives me her address and says "hows 5?" Im like "Im never late.. see you then." Sos I get there at 5 cuz Im never late and there are a group of ladies sitting on the porch drinking boones and smokin whatever dressed like they just got off of soul train. I mean skin tight short short dresses and thigh high disco boots. Sos I gets out the car and introduce myself. They give me the "Heeeeeyyyy!!! You got any cute friends?" I was like "I have some nice friends but they are all mud ducks." The leader of the pack (I guess she was the leader cuz she had the biggest boots) says "Ill take a mud duck as long as he aint got mud duckets!!" I laughed and said "where's the party at tonight? Yall are dressed for some serious fun." The leader was like.... "No party. We are just coming from church." Im thinking Ace has been holding out on me. Finally Cacharelle comes out and says "Heeeeeyyy baby!! You look just like you did on your webcam!! now I get the show in person!!" Now Cacharelle is built like a Russian Race horse. I mean Esther Baxter with a Buffie the Body ummm.... google friends. We say nighty to her Boones drinkin friends. Me being the gentleman I open her door and she says "Oh you want me to drive? Im like "No just opening your door." She was like "Ohh cool cuz I did just get my nails did." Im thinking oooooookkkk!! So I get in and say "Buckle up babe." She was like "I dont want to wrinkle my dress." Im thinking that dress is so tight its like she bought it when she was 16 and just grew into it. Might as well been wearing body paint. So anyway she says "I gotta let you know I have to be back home by 6." Im pissed thinking I drove all the way from Sac for an hour date?? I play it off and say "Ok what do you want to do for an hour??" She was like "No not 6 tonight. 6 in the mooooooorrrrniiinnn!! You got me all night baby!!" At that moment I didnt know if I should be happy or scared. So we make small talk. She asks why I live in Sac and work in Oakland. I explain "Well Im a house manager for a bunch of bipolar medded up 5150's." She was like "Heeeeeeyyy!!! Sounds like Oakland!!!! We goin back to yo spot!!" Ok its official. Im scared.... To be continued.....