I get to the store and am immediately as confused as a deer in headlights when all of the sudden my Darz senses (much stronger then spidey senses) picks up a beautiful, gorgeous (black guys never really say gorgeous) woman walking up and down the aisle. She had on a pair of semi daisy dukes (not as short but cutoff), Medium length light brown hair in a ponytail and cap and ponytail pulled through the back of the cap hanging down her back, some white nike running shoes with no show socks, and a white tshirt tucked in with a picture of it of a woman turning her nose up at a man like you ladies do with a caption saying "A real woman dont need no man!!" I thought need? No. Want? Yes!! I just leave my basket (it was empty) and play it off as if Im looking for something in the area she is in. Now Im wearing my orange cuz lets face it. Not all men can make orange look good. It threw her off because she never looked directly at me but her "gorgeous sense", which obviously doesnt work as good as "Darz sense", spotted the orange. While still looking for her item she asks... "Oh excuse me sir but could you help me? Im looking for a Miter saw and a planer." I turn toward her with that 12 years worth of dental and orthodontal work, smile and say "Pardon me? Oh Im sorry I dont work here but Id be glad to help you. I practically live here." Useful harmless lie #1. last time I was at Home Depot was about 6 months ago and that was to get keys made!! "I did hear you though so lets start with the planer. 1 aisle over." "Are you sure? I mean I dont want to be a bother." she asks sounding mildly concerned." I reply "Oh yeah Im sure. My crew has enough to keep them busy till I get back. BTW Hi my name is Tony." Useful harmless lie #2. Crew? Ok Yeah 3 man crew. Me, Myself and I and right now we are all working on the same project. Trying to get hooked up!! She says with a smile like she has been to my dentist and orthodontist.... "Well ok if its no trouble...My name is Katy but my friends call me Kat with a K." "Pleased to meet you Kat with a K!!" I say smiling all the while thinking what I wouldnt do to have her make me roar and me make her purrr!!!! "No trouble at all" I say with all the confidence of the Lion King. I start to make small talk aka Darz talk. Confident and corny enough to give off the vibe "This guy is harmless. "So what kind of project are you working on?" I ask with the tone as if Im really interested while all the while Im hoping she enjoys a little Bombay Sapphire and OJ. She responds sounding proud "Im building a deck and gazebo for my new hot tub. Its supposed to be installed next week so Im really under the gun." I say "Oh wow I bet the family is going to love that!! Nice project for everyone before going back to school." She says "No, in a solemn tone, Its just me. I dot think I can finish on time and this is the installer's only window until Oct." Ok Im no new new. I know she is asking for my help subliminally so I gotta play it right. I say "Oh wow I know how that is. If you really are pressed for help Im available and live right up the street." She says "Are you sure?" In a tone as if she was saying "Dear Lord I hope he really can help." I say "Oh its really not a problem. Ill get my guys setup around 6am, grab a cup of coffee and be right over. You have to be in the area since we go to the same Home Depot." She smiles and says "Yup not far from Greenhaven" with a tone as if a weight has been lifted. "Dont worry about coffee. Im up at 5am starting my day. Coffee and breakfast will be ready by 6:15." Im thinking its too early to give her my patented "Ohhh Like that?" so refrain and say "You dont have to go through all that trouble but if you insist!!" giving the slight laugh at your own joke chuckle. She laughs and says "Might as well. Im eating so whats another plate?" The whole time talking we are also walking and she doesnt notice I dont know where the hell the miter saws are but I finally find them. She picks out her brand, Dewalt, and Im thinking good choice. Im not Tim the Tool Guy but I know Dewalt > Black and Decker. I throw a couple of things into a handheld basket just so I have an excuse to check out when she does. We get to the counter and she says "You can go first." i say "Thats ok." smiling "Ladies first." She says "But you dont have much compared to me.." I say "I know but I can still wait." She responds sternly yet playfully. "Look Tony. Im trying to give you the chance to checkout and then ask if Id like you to wait to help me load the truck!!!" Im thinking to myself "Good Lord she must be a Leo!!" I laugh a little and say with a big smile "Good Lord you must be a Leo!??!" She says "Im glad you picked up on something!!" Perfect timing for my response of "Ohhh Like that!!??" She responds smiling devilishly "Oh its just like that!!!" Me feeling highly impressed I just say "Ill be waiting right over here....."
To be continued...
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