How I almost paid too much for my Lincoln Pt II (read Pt I first or it makes no sense...)
by Darryl Regan on Friday, September 3, 2010 at 9:23pm
So of course Im watching as she walks off and Im thinking corny thoughts cuz yall know Im corny. "I hated to see you go but I loved watching you leave!!" I crack up inside cuz only corny and nerdy folks laugh at their own jokes. I know Im not going to say that. I watch her through the show room window talk to Captain kirk aka the manager and in a couple of minutes she is on her way back to the car. First off thats another hustler move. Why didnt she come out with the keys in the first place? Ill tell you my inexperienced friends. They always want to give you time alone with the car... especially if it is pristine. A car with flaws they never leave your side. As she gets a few feet from me she says "you ready?" I said with a smart mouth and smurk "Ive been ready!!" Here you go" tossing me the keys with a smile!. Im thinking ok amateur move. What if I missed and the keys hit my.. I mean the lincoln? Anyway I have skills, catch the keys and get in. No I didnt get her door. Im test driving the car not test driving her. I fire up the car and all kind of bells and whistles and lights go off!! Im like yeah no wonder the manager liked it so much. Its like the Star Trek Enterprise! She blah blah's about this and that and Im thinking whatever. She buckles up and gets nice and comfortable. I do the same, turn off the stereo which was blasting house music (wtf people still listen to that?) and get ready to go. She says "Why dont you hit El Camino, make a right at Oregon Expressway and hit 101." Im thinking to myself "That didnt sound like an amateur." I just say will do. As we pull out the lot she asks"Dont you want to listen to some music? This has an awesome sound system. I respond "Not as Im trying to get a feel for the car plus if I was to buy it (keep reminding her she sold me nothing yet) it would be replaced anyway. "She just says "Ok." So I hope on an empty 101 south and get a little aggressive immediately. I say I hope you dont mind but..."She says "What?" I smile and floor it and switch across 4 lanes. She kind of shouts something like "Aye me encanta!!" I said "I do too." so cooly momma woulda been proud! She said surprised "Usted habla espanol??" I said "Un poquito!!" hoping I got it right. She said kind of excitedly "Oh me gusta mucho!" I said with all of the confidence of "The Mack" "I thought so. Mind if I get on 85 and come back to the lot?" She responds with an as if I should have already known "Well its your car. You do you!!" The ex flirt in me wanted to say "Id rather do you" but married men dont do that. I am married right? So anyway I Nascar car it, yeah I use Nascar as a verb, on 85 for a bit and wind up back at the lot. She says"Pull around to the back and Ill have my mechanic run the codes so you can see the computer is clean." Im thinking "On a Sunday? Shop is closed. What new part of the game is she about to run?" I oblige and she makes a phone and speaks in spanish. Im thinking I must have messed up un poquito. 60 seconds later she is off and says "Robert cant get here til later but I can show you some of the features we havent gone over." I said "I know all about the car since it is my favorite." She said "What about the heated and cooled seats? Let me at least show you how they work." I answer kind of smart mouth "Who needs heated and cooled seats in the bay?" She responds kind of devilishly (holy rollers dont got there) "Well Papi you never know!! Recline the seat and let me show you." Im thinking "Papi? I hate that word but it sounded so cute. I say "Ok sure" questioning what the seat reclined has to do with anything. Once again I oblige. She opens the glove box and pulls out a cd case, pulls one out and puts it in the player. Ok grown folk could imagine what was on this cd... She asks "Comfortable?" I have my hands behind my head and eyes closed and said "This seat is the bomb!" She said "Hold papi it gets better!" Im thinking does she think Im Puerto Rican or something but I dont mind. I just said "I cant imagine any better. i could go to sleep here." She said "Why dont you try!!" Me so damn oblivious said "Ok." Eyes still closed I hear her take off her seat belt and hear her shoes hit the floorboard. Yeah Im experienced. I coulda told you what kind of shoes, size and color without looking. I play it off like I heard nothing. Next thing you know she is throwing her right leg over me and facing and straddling me!!" She said "Do you mind?" I said "Is this your job?" She said "Not normally but today it is. i know you want this car and im going to sell it to you." At first all I heard was "I know you want this!" I said "Well Im going to let you do your job!!" She said "I thought you would!" I cant resist a smart mouth and said "Like that?" She said grinning "We'll see." Wrong answer in my "Like that" game but good answer anyway. She squirms around a little fiegning trying to get comfortable. "She finally says "I hope you dont mind but this skirt is restrictive." Before I could say anything she raises it past her hips. "Mmmm thats better" she says relieved. She unbuttons her jacket and leans forward into my ear and asks "Is it getting hot?" All I can think of is how do I hide the fact my manly region is producing more wood then the Home Depot lumbar department!!?!?! I said "Yeah it is." She said "Let me adjust the seat cooling. Lets start out at one. Feel that? Any better??" As usual my mind is racing and thinking "Can it get better" but just say I can feel it cooling. She says "Well Im still hot." Smart ass racing mind is thinking "Youve been on fire" but all I say boyishly is "ok." This time she says nothing but untucks her blouse and unbuttons it. ALL THE WAY!! She says "Mmmm... thats better. You still feel the cooling?" I say sheepishly "Its getting hot again." She said "I dont believe you. Let me see." She leans on top of me and all I can think is this woman is hiding none of Victorias secrets as her chesticular region presses against my pectoral region. Right now Im hating the inventor of shirts. Mine could burn right off me and I wouldnt care!!She says in her sexiest voice "Mmm you are hot. Let me do something about that..." I jump up almost making her hit her head on the car ceiling "Ive seen enough!! Cooling!! nice!! It works!! Lets go to the office!!" So soon?? I didnt get to cool you off and heat you up again!! The heated seat function works real good." Im thinking no sh*t!! Do you come with every LS or something? I just say "No Im good. Lets go talk numbers." She straightens herself up and we pull to the front of the dealer ship and go in. We walk by Capt Kirk and he asks as if he already knew the answer "How'd everything go??" I answer "GOOD GOOD!! You have a big bottle of water?" "Ill bring one right in." he says with the cheesy Fantasy Island grin. Couple of minute he arrives with my water and says "Ill let you two talk" and closes the door. She says with a big grin "Shall we get started?" Im thinking "You won!! game over? how much?" instead I just say sure.... Lets talk numbers..
To be continued!!
To be continued!!
No comments:
Post a Comment